How the children from Chernobil count from one to hundred? On the fingers!
What's purple, covered in pus and squeals? A peeled baby in a bag of salt.
Q: How do you make a dog go ‘miaow’? A: Freeze it in liquid nitrogen, and run it through a bandsaw…
What do you call a virgin on a waterbed? A cherry float.
What's red and dances all around? A baby on a barbecue
Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.
The reason why women will never be the ones who propose is that as soon as they get on their knees, man starts unzipping.
I'm going to celebrate Halloween the same way I always do... by murdering a bunch of teens by the lake. Sincerely, Michael Myers
Why did the little girl fall off of her bike? Because she didn't have any arms.
How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles ? Nail its other hand to the floor.