Jacob: Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school? Leonard: Why? Jacob: She had bright students!
What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles: there is a mile between the first and last letters!
A schoolteacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, the Home Secretary said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70? A: Because 69's a mouthful.
Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, "Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?" Little Johnny smiles proudly, "No Miss, there's no need, my mom cooks really well."
Teacher: Daniel, I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Daniel: I’m glad it’s Friday!
Joe: What’s the king of all school supplies? Moe: I don’t know. What? Joe: The ruler.
A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his student. "And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
Q: A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in fifth grade. Who has the biggest tits? A: The blonde, because she's 18.
Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school? A: The "elf"-abet!
Eleven year old’s environmental studies essay on the effect of oil pollution: "When my mum opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."