Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
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Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
Vote:
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Dobermann pinscher.
A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother.
On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?"
"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer.
"Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want."
The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
A lawyer with insomnia consults his doctor.
‘Which side is it best to lie on?’ he asks.
‘The side that pays your fee,’ replies the doctor.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: "How many can you afford?"
Vote:
How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo?
Just say, "Fees."
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”