Joke #2650

How many men does it take to please a woman. Impossible. Once a woman's done bitching about the men they're all asleep.
Vote:
has 29.51 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: women

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man. Love, To forgive him and; Patience, For his moods. Because if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death.
Vote:
has 47.97 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: women
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." The man replied, "I agree with you completely." "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."
Vote:
has 81.61 % from 572 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, driving, wine, women
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
Vote:
has 82.31 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: women
When a woman found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day later that week, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. "Yes", he said. "I know what we're going to name it. If it is a girl, we're calling her Molly and if it is a boy, we're going to call it quits.
Vote:
has 26.76 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: phone, women
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote:
has 36.23 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Vote:
has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: men, political, women
If pretty women from the south are southern bells, would that make pretty women from Mexico taco bells?
Vote:
has 64.91 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: beauty, mexican, racist, women
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Vote:
has 69.88 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: women
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"
Vote:
has 54.31 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: god, women
A beautiful woman in her thirties was passing through customs in London, when the customs official asks her what the reason for her trip to London was. Business or pleasure, he asks? Sadness and pleasure! She says to the officer! Why? Well, my 75 years old husband has just died and I came to his funeral! My condolences, says the officer! It must be a very difficult and painful time you're going through! Not really, this is my pleasure! I'm so sad because only now I found out that he was dead broke and did not leave a dime, a penny, not even a will for me!
Vote:
has 51.27 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: age, beauty, business, travel, women