Joke #2690

The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?” said the officer. “I’m going to a lecture.” the man said. “And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?” the cop asked. “My wife.” said the man.

A tourist asks a man in uniform, "Are you a policeman?" "No, I am an undercover detective." "So why are you in uniform?" "Today is my day off."

A cop pulls a guy over for weaving across two lanes of traffic. He walks up to the drivers window and asks, "You drinkin'?" The driver said, "You buyin'?"

Judge Claudia Jordan of Denver slipped a message to her clerk during a trial. The note said: “Blind on the right side. May be falling. Please call someone.” The clerk called 9-1-1. She told the judge not to worry, help was on the way. The judge made a noise. “I wanted someone from maintenance,” she said. The trouble was the window blinds on the courtroom’s right side. The judge appologized to the paramedics when they arrived.

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle. Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home. As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked, "Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?" "Yes," the golfer responded. "Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?" "Yes, I did. How did you know?" he asked. "Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield. The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck. The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down. So, what are you going to do about it?" The golfer thought it over carefully and responded... "I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

One day a Georgia state patrolman pulled a car over for speeding about 20 miles from the Florida line on I-95. When the officer asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Jacksonville to do a show that night and didn't want to be late. The patrolman told the driver that he was fascinated by juggling and if the driver would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket. The juggler told him that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The patrolman told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the patrolman got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled up behind the patrol car and a drunk got out and looked at the show, and then went to the patrol car, opened the back door and got in. The patrolman saw him do this and went over to his car, opened the door and asked the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, "Just go on and take me to jail..... there's no way in the world that I can pass that test.

Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? A: A white guy can say "Hey Dad" and "Good morning officer".

A man was made the police chief in a nudist colony. He liked the job, but putting on the badge was murder!

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.