Q: Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?
A: Yeah, it fits right over her mouth.
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*Girl is crying*
Dad: Why you crying?
Girl: My boyfriend dumped me!
Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back
Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him!
Dad: I didn't
Girl: Where did you go?
Dad: To get you icecream :D
Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?!
Dad: So I could get it for free!
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: How do you be pro in clash royale?
A: Use rocket and rage spell ladies.
Agnes married and had 13 children.
When her husband died, she married again and had 7 more children.
Again, her husband died. So Agnes remarried and this time had 5 more children.
Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her.
He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, Lord, theyre finally together.
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, "Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?"
The friend replied, "I think he means her legs."
*My dad helping me find a gf*
Dad: What do you want most in a woman?
Me: My dick.
*Grounded and high fived*
First woman in space:
"Houston, we have a problem."
What?
"Never mind."
What's the problem?
"Nothing."
Please tell us.
"I'm fine."
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
Q: What book do women like the most?
A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
There was a crooked woman,
who ran a crooked mile.
She found a crooked Weiner,
who always made her smile.
She belongs in prison,
for she is just a crook.
And if you don't believe me,
you can read it in her book.
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