Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
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Similar jokes
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A woman is speaking to her friend, ‘My husband has got one foot in the grate.’
‘Don’t you mean one foot in the “grave”?’ says the friend.
‘No,’ replies the woman.
‘He wants to be cremated.’
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Q: What did the baby say as I threw it in the blender?
A: I didn't catch it, I was too busy masturbating.
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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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Smith was hit by a car, died, and went to heaven.
And everyone who goes to heaven has to work.
God went up to Smith, and said: Smith, you are going to make babies.
Here is this wheel, and every time you turn it, a baby will come out.
For hours, Smith spun the wheel at full speed, then he started to get tired.
As he was slowing down, a black baby came out...and Smith said: **** I better hurry because they are burning."
Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
So they can take bubble baths.
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Q: What's the best thing about ISIS jokes?
A: The execution.
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Q: Whats worse then a barrel of dead babies?
A: There is one at the bottom that is still alive.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He has to eat his way out.
Q: Whats worse then that?
A: He goes back for more.
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My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day, but he just kept whispering "Chun Yu Yan" over and over – and then died.
I was very sad and googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means "You're standing on my oxygen tube."
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"I'm going to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. But it is just a formality."
"Who told you that?"
"Gynecologist."
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My previous girlfriend had this weird sleeping disorder - in the middle of every night she would wake up and suck my dick.
No wonder her dad did not want her to move out.
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