Lifting weights have really helped me with the ladies - the last five I raped didn't stand a chance.
A Liberal died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars. "Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Liberal? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"
Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.
Q: What was the last thing her husband said to her? A: I'll feed the dog, you feed the fish.
Two children, Johnny and Alex were sitting outside a clinic. Alex was crying very loudly. Johnny: Why are you crying? Alex: I came here for a blood test. Johnny: So? Are you afraid? Alex: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger. After hearing this Johnny started weeping making Alex feel surprised as well as curious and Alex asked: Why are you crying now? Johnny: I came for a urine test!
How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf? He became a vegetarian.
My Girlfriend wanted me to treat her like a princess for her birthday. So I took her out, got her drunk, and crashed the car.
Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork? So you can tell which ones are still alive.
How can you tell if you have acne? If the blind can read your face.
Black humour is like a pair of legs. Not everyone has it.
Why would the cannibal only eat babies? He was on a diet!