Joke #2829

The best way to make somebody remember you is to borrow money from them.
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has 85.75 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: life

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An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viagra pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sex. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
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has 72.62 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: age, life, old people, sex, viagra
Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
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has 40.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
The results of in-depth studies have determined that the most often used sexual position for marriedcouples is the "doggie position". The husband sits up and begs and the wife rolls over and plays dead.
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has 79.31 % from 145 votes. More jokes about: death, husband, life, marriage, sex
My son asked me today, "Dad, what music did you like growing up?" "Led Zeppelin," I replied. "Who?" he said. "Yeah, I liked them too."
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has 57.44 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dad, life
My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
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has 74.71 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: life, old people, technology
Is Snoop serious? Or is Snoop Lion?
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has 54.66 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, life, music
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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has 82.31 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: god, life, religious
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. "You simpleton!" the officer barked. "Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically. "But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"
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has 70.41 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, life, military, winter
Why did Steve Jobs live his last moments in regret? They say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Unfortunately for Steve Jobs, his iPhone 4S didn't have a Flash player installed!
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has 46.87 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, IT, life, phone
Who was the fastest runner? Adam. He was first in the human race.
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has 77.83 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: athlete, life