Joke #2837

Three policemen are sitting in a car. Bored, as cards and domino make them sick already. On thinks of an idea: Guys, lets play golf. All we need is a stick, ball and a hole. I can arrange a stick, – one says. I will get a ball, - adds another. Guys, I’m not playing this dirty game, - says the third one.

Q: What's the difference between an Indian and a toilet? A: The toilet smells good when it gets cleaned.

Have you heard about the Viagra computer virus? It turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.

Q: How can you tell if your girlfriend really likes you? A: If you stick your hand in her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

A nun gets on a bus thats empty except for the driver. She says "I'm going to die soon but I want to have sex before I die. Problem is I must remain a virgin so it has to be to ass. I can't commit adultery, so the man must be single.Can you fulfill my wish?" "Yes" says the bus driver and fulfills her wish. Feeling guilty he says "I'm sorry I lied, I'm married with 3 kids." "Thats ok" replied the nun "I lied too." "My name is Kevin and Im going to a fancy dress party."

This guy goes into a Sperm Bank with a gun and a ski mask and yells at the receptionist to open the safe. She's confused, thinking this is the world's dumbest criminal. "Sir, this is a sperm bank, we don't have money in here! That safe is full of donated sperm samples!" The robber screams for her to open it. At this point, she's confused. Maybe he's just a guy who thought better of becoming an anonymous donor and wants his sample back. She opens the safe like he commanded. The robber yells: "Now bring over that tray!" The woman does as he asks and brings the tray of sperm samples to the counter. As soon as the tray hits the counter, the menacing criminal makes further demands: "Now open that container and drink it!" The woman's gag reflex triggers. She barely manages to stammer out "that's disgusting! I won't do it!" Angered the man in the ski mask cocks the hammer on his pistol and repeats his command to drink one of the samples. The woman complies, he tells her to drink another, and another until the entire tray is gone. Once the last cup is finished the man pulls off his ski mask and goes: "See honey, it's not that fucking hard."

Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and dirty Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking hers eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

Man gives blood too save his wifes life. Few months later they are divorced. Husband says too wife, "I want my blood back you B*TCH!" Wife throws the tampon at him and says, "I will pay you back monthly you B*STARD."

A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. "But how will I let you know the baby is born?" she asked. He replied, "Just send me a postcard and write 'spaghetti' on the back. I'll take care of expenses." Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy. Six months went by and then one day the doctor's wife called him at the office and explained, "Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don't understand what it means." The doctor said, "Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you." Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest. So the wife picked up the card and read, "'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti - Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'"

When the first legal brothel opened here in Brissy I got the OK from the missus to check it out and have myself a good time. I was in there like a flash and as I was the only client at that time I has my choice of the buffet on offer. I chose a gorgeous tall slim redhead but before moving off to the rooms she stated that she wont work with anyone unless they are 10 inches. Being a little embarrassed as you would be I asked her politely to sit back down. I mean after all, no matter how hot they were I wasn't about to cut 2 inches of my manhood for anyone...