Joke #2850

A: Why are you late? B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? B: No, I was standing on it.
Vote:
has 83.95 % from 288 votes. More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
Vote:
has 68.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: life, travel
A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter asked the lawyer his name and looked it up in his book. He then asked the Pope for his name and looked it up in his book also. "Now, if you will come with me, I will show you your eternal dwellings," said St. Peter. They walked along the clouds and came to a huge mansion with all sorts of lavish trappings. St. Peter turned to the lawyer and told him this was to be his house. The Pope, knowing how important he was to the church could hardly imagine what his house would be like. St. Peter and the Pope continued on to a small, beat-up wooden shack. St. Peter told the Pope that this would be his dwelling. The Pope, shocked, said to St. Peter, "Just a minute!" That other guy was a lawyer and he gets a mansion. I was the head of the Roman Catholic church, and this is all the reward I get?" St. Peter looked at the Pope and said "True, you have done great things. But we have lots of Popes in Heaven, and that guy was the first lawyer ever to make it up here."
Vote:
has 76.46 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: christian, death, lawyer, life, mean
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'." The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'." The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'." The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'." Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well ...?" She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38" DD bust, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, everybody says, "Oh My God."
Vote:
has 83.35 % from 371 votes. More jokes about: catholic, god, life, women
If kim kardashian was a donut wat kind would she be? Chocolate filled.
Vote:
has 45.10 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, chocolate, food, life
The fastest dialog in the world: (WC door is opening) Man inside: Heyyy! Man outside: Sorryyy!
Vote:
has 43.73 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: life
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet. "973," says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal." Man picks one up and begins to walk away. "Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." Man says sure. "You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd. "You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
Vote:
has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
Daughter: Mom,does God go to bathroom? Mom: Why? my child.. Daughter: Today in the morning I heard papa said, "Please God let me go to the bathroom..."
Vote:
has 31.68 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: god, life
Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Depends on how clumsy you are.
Vote:
has 52.49 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: life, light bulb
Q: What do Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common? A: They both wipe out klingons.
Vote:
has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
Programming is like sex. One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
has 73.18 % from 385 votes. More jokes about: IT, life, programmer, sex