A retired couple had dinner at their friends’ house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went to the kitchen. The two men were talking and one said, “We've been going to a new restaurant and it’s really great.
I’d recommend it very highly.”
The other man asked, “What’s the name of the place?”
The first man thought awhile and finally said, “What are those flowers you send a woman you love?
The ones with red petals and thorns?”
“You must mean roses,” he replied.
“That’s it,” said the man.
He yelled to his wife, “Rose, what’s the name of the restaurant we like?”
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When is a retiree's bedtime?
Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
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An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle.
She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”
The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation.
They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.
A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down!
She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station.
The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter.
He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, about 75, and carrying a large handgun.
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The irate customer calling the newspaper offices, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Ma'am", said the employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered 'til Sunday."
There was quite a pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition. "So that's why no one was in church today."
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An old man was accounting manager in a company.
Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back.
After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died.
After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
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You must keep in shape.
My grandmother started walking five kilometers when she was 60 and now she's 97, and we don't have a clue where she is!
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Two elderly ladies were discussing the upcoming dance at the country club.
"We're supposed to wear something that matches our husband's hair, so I'm wearing black," said Mrs. Smith.
"Oh my," said Mrs. Jones, "I'd better not go."
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An elderly man remembers the good old days:
“When I was young, my mom could send me to a shop with a single $, and I would bring back 5 pounds of potatoes, 2 breads, a bottle of milk, a piece of cheese and 10 eggs. Nowadays that’s impossible – there are simply to many security cameras."
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A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them.
After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners.
“Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.”
“What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.”
“I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.
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An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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What does tightrope walking and getting a blowjob from Grandma have in common?
You don't look down.
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