What's three meters high and jumps every ten seconds?
A dinosaur with the hiccups.
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Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case.
Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?
A. Because he was pissed off!
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
What do tigers wear in bed?
Stripey pyjamas.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their backs.
Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know.
I didn’t think sheep could knit!