Joke #2887

What do dinosaurs put on their floors? Rep-tiles.
Vote: has 58.56 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A Shark alarm at Sydney’s Bondi Beach sent everyone rushing from the water –except for three young boys who didn’'t hear the siren. Onlookers were horrified to see a dorsel fin moving fast towards them. Suddenly, a tall bloke took a deep breath, dived into the surf, swam past the shark, and scooped up two of the boys, swiftly bringing them to the shore and safety. He then took another deep breath and swam out again, snatching the third boy before rapidly approaching, before the monster could attack. Then got him back to the beach in one piece. The heroic bloke then put a knife between his clenched teeth, swam out to the shark, and killed it in a furious battle. As he staggered out from the surf, bleeding and battered, a journalist raced up to him and said, “That was the most heroic thing I’'ve ever witnessed mate. This will appear on the front page of tomorrow’s newspaper: “Aussie hero saves three boys from killer shark!” “Thanks.” Smiles the fella, “but I'’m not an Aussie. I'’m a British backpacker.” “No worries,” said the journalist with a frown, “it'’ll still be front-page news.” The next day, the newspaper’s headline screamed, “Pommy bastard kills boy'’s pet fish!”
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, death
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, sport, celebrity
I had to go round next door and look after my neighbour’s cat while he was away. Now there’s a great pile of crap and a puddle of wee on his kitchen floor. Hopefully, he’ll think the cat did it.
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Two lawyers walking through the woods attracted the attention of a vicious-looking bear. The bear noticed them, and started to walk toward them. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulling out a pair of sneakers, and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said: "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "Oh, I know that. Bears are much faster than humans. I have no hope of ever being able to outrun a bear." "If you know that, why are you changing shoes?" "Well, the way I figure it," the first lawyer replied, "I don't have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Vote: has 62.30 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, animal
A mans dog dies one day, and the man is very upset. His dog did everything for him. Washed the dishes. Bought things from the shop. The man was so upset, he decided to go and buy a new pet. Once at the pet store, he asked the manager, "Do you have any pets that will do anything for me? My dog has just passed away and I want something to replace him." The manager looks around. "We don't have much, I'm afraid. Just this centipede here" The man looks puzzled, but accepts the centipede anyway. Back home, the man tests the centipede out. "Go and bring me a beer from the fridge", he asks. The centipede got to work straight away. "Go and run a bath for me.“ The centipede did as asked once again. The man, before getting in the bath, asks the centipede "Pop to the shop and buy me a newspaper please.“ The centipede does this. An hour later, the man comes out of the bath, to find the centipede sitting at the bottom of the stairs, and hadn't yet gone to the shop. "I thought I told you to go to the shop?" The centipede replies "GIMMIE A CHANCE TO GET MI SHOES ON!"
Vote: has 70.40 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What's red and green and goes at 100mph? A frog in a blender.
Vote: has 39.47 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What did the blonde call her pet zebra? Spot.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Chuck Norris doesn't scroll with a mouse. He uses a lion.
Vote: has 81.21 % from 78 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, animal, computer
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? A: Because then the children have to play inside.
Vote: has 78.80 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, weather, kids
What color socks do bears wear? (They don't wear socks, they have bear feet!)
Vote: has 22.18 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal