A blonde was recently fired from an M&M factory for throwing away Ws and peeling the shells off the candies. Therefore, she needed a new job to support herself.
After going around town asking if anyone needed work done, she found a man who needed a painter.
"I'm here for the paint job," she said.
"Alright," said the man.
"Here is the paint and your brush.
I want you to paint my porch behind the house."
The blonde immediately went to work painting.
Within an hour, she was done and decided to put on a second coat.
After she finished, she returned to the man for her pay.
She said with satisfaction, "I not only completed the job, but I even put on two coats of paint! By the way, that isn't a Porsche out back.
It's a new BMW.
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Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Why did the blonde keep ice cubes in the freezer?
So she could keep the refrigerator cold.
There were two brothers.
One was very good and tried to always live right and be helpful.
His brother, on the other hand, was bad and did all the things that men should not do and didn’t care who he hurt.
The bad brother died.
The good brother missed him despite his ways.
Finally, years later, the good brother died and went to Heaven.
Everything was beautiful and wonderful there and he was very happy.
One day he asked God where his brother was, as he hadn’t seen him there.
God said that he was sorry but his brother lived a terrible life and went to Hell instead.
The good brother then asked God if there was any way for him to see his brother.
So God gave him the power of vision to see into Hell and there was his brother.
He was sitting on a bench with a keg of beer under one arm and a gorgeous blonde on the other.
Confused, the good brother said to God, "I am so happy that you let me into Heaven with You. It is so beautiful here and I love it. But I don’t understand, if my brother was bad enough to go to Hell, why does he have the keg of beer and a gorgeous blonde? It hardly seems like a punishment."
God said unto him, "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in it; the blonde does not."
Why is it hard for a blonde to count to 70?
Because 69 is such a mouthful.
What did the blonde’s holiday postcard say?
‘Having a wonderful time.
Where am I?’
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!", the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
After losing his fortune, a Texas oilman decided to spend his last twenty bucks at a whorehouse.
He entered and promptly went up to the Madam and asked her what he could get for $20.
The Madam gave him a lengthy stare and told him to go upstairs, last door on the left.
He proceeded to march up the stairs and entered the room.
To his shock and pleasure he saw a beautiful blonde waiting naked on the bed.
So he tore off his clothes and jumped on and started pumping away for dear life.
Upon orgasm he noticed that stuff started oozing out of her eyeballs.
He runs down to the Madam to report this and she looks at him turns around and yells, "Hey Charlie....... The dead one's full again!"
A small company recently hired a new blonde secretary who certainly wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.
One day while she was typing, she turned to another secretary and said, “What do I do now? I’m almost out of typing paper.”
“Just use the copier machine paper,” replied the other secretary.
With that, the blonde took her last remaining blank sheet of typing paper, placed it on the photocopier and proceeded to make ten blank copies.
Q: Why are there no brunette jokes?
A: Because blondes would have to think them up.