Joke #2977

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?" "Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think that?" "The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"
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has 44.92 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A Lawyer and the Pope died at the same time, both went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gate by St. Peter who conducted them to their rooms. The Pope's room was spartan with bare floor, army cot for a bed, and a single bulb for light. They came to the Lawyer's room. It was huge with wall to wall carpeting, king sized water bed, indirect lighting, color TV, stereo, Jacuzzi and fully stocked bar. The Lawyer said, "There must be a mistake. This must be the Pope's room!" St Peter said, "There's no mistake. This is your room. We have lots of Pope's, but you're our very first Lawyer!"
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has 84.18 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: bar, death, heaven, lawyer
George and Harry out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are". Harry let's out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover. George says, "I still can't tell where we are, let's ask that guy on the ground". So Harry yells down at the man "Hey, could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air". George turns to Harry and says "That man must be a lawyer". And Harry says "How can you tell?". George says "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless". That's the end of the Joke, but for you people who are still worried about George and Harry: They end up in the drink, and make the front page of the New York Times: "Balloonists Soaked by Lawyer".
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, math, science, time, travel
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: black humor, lawyer
Q: What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? A: The accountant knows he's boring.
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has 70.92 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: accountant, lawyer
A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’ ‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man. ‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The lawyer’s motto: a man is not guilty until he demonstrates he is out of money...
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
A man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer. During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions. "Your Honor," replied the defendant, "that man represented me in a bitter divorce. One day he said my property settlement hearing was about to be held. The judge would decide that afternoon what I would get, and what Rose would get. My lawyer told me I didn't have to be present and "not to worry." "I can't see why you'd punch a man for that," interrupted the judge. "Wait, there's more... When I asked my attorney later about the settlement, he told me to look on the bright side. I asked why. Then he said, "Because everything's coming up Rose's." "THAT'S when I hit him!"
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the accused. "The bad news is, your blood is all over the crime scene, and the DNA tests prove you did it." "What's the good news?" "Your cholesterol is 130."
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has 78.22 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: communication, health, lawyer, prison