What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie?
Putting the shoes on the flies!
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"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing:
"He's such a sensitive child.
Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Mary can't stand Sunday school, but her brother William doesn't have a problem with it.
So one day in Sunday school, Mary thinks, "The hell with it," and decides to go to sleep.
The teacher sees this and asks Mary a question to keep her awake.
"Mary, who created the heavens and the earth?"
William, who is sitting behind Mary, pokes her in the butt with his pencil. Mary wakes up and shouts, "God almighty!"
And the teacher says, "Yes. That's correct, Mary."
Mary goes back to sleep and the teacher asks her another question.
"Who died on the cross for our sins?"
William pokes Mary again. She wakes up and shouts, "Jesus Christ!"
Once again, she goes back to sleep.
This time the teacher asks, "Mary, what was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
William pokes her again.
Mary wakes up and shouts, "If you don't stop poking me with that thing, I'm gonna break it off!"
Santa Claus arrives to a kindergarten and gives each child a present.
Everybody received really cool presents – racing car models, ship models and similar.
But one kid got only a pair of socks.
A kid comes to him and teases him with his received brand new Formula 1 model and laughs at this socks-kid:
LHey, what a shitty present you have received, look at my super car" said the kid offensively.
"So what, at least I don't have cancer…"
What do you give a cat for its birthday?
A catologue.
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
A mother was teaching his child about the side-effects of alcohol.
She gets two short glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
She says "I want you to see this."
She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around.
She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.
She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"
The child responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"
In a shop for kids. Peter selects a toy car, comes to the cash desk and gives the cashier money-cards from Monopoly game.
The cashier:
- Are you stupid? This isn't real money!
Peter:
- You're stupid. The car is not real either.
Peter: My mom is having a new baby.
Joy: What's wrong with the old one?