Joke #3025

Signs Your Cop Partner Needs A Vacation: 9. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talks to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his relationship troubles. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!
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Q: What do you call a violent minority? A: A thug. Q: What do you call a violent white guy? A: Officer.
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Crude & Rude Dude A man's driving happily along in his car when he's pulled over by the police. The policeman approaches him and asks "Have you been drinking Sir?" "Why?" asks the man, "have I got a fat chick in my car?"
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A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message on his radio telling him there has been a dead body found in an ice cream van just down the road. He rushes to the scene where he discovers a man's body, with chocolate flakes up each nostril, raspberry sauce all over his head and he is covered from head to toe in hundreds of thousands of sprinkles. A puzzled onlooker asks the policeman what he thinks has happened, to which the policeman replies: "It looks like he's topped himself."
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A Policeman pulls over a motorist for running a stop sign. The motorists says, "What's the problem officer, I slowed down for that stop sign?" The officer replies, "I know you slowed down, but you are supposed to stop." "But officer, I slowed down, what's the difference?" "The difference is, you're supposed to stop.", says the officer. "But I slowed down!" replied the motorist. The officer says, "Let me explain it to you this way. I'm going to drag your scrawny ass out of your car, then I'm going to take this stick I carry on my belt and I'm going to start beating you with it. After five minutes I'm going to ask you, do you want me to slow down or do you want me to stop?"
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Two thieves each sneak into a rich man's party. During dinner the thieves marveled at how even the cutlery was made of gold, and both decided they would try to steal some. The first thief quietly slipped a golden spoon into his pocket, unaware that the second thief had witnessed this crime. After dinner, the second thief comes up with a way to steal a golden spoon without suspicion being placed on him. He picks up a golden spoon identical to the first and holds it up in front of the party-goers explaining he wishes to show them a magic trick. "And now..." he speaks to the crowd and points towards the first thief, "I will put this spoon into my pocket, and remove it from this gentleman here's own pocket!"
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How do you join the police? Handcuff them together.
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A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”
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When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?
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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!
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You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
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