Q: What's red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
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A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party in a bar.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned: "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.
"And why not, darling?", the father asked.
You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
Q: What did the little black boy say as he was sliding down a zebra?
A: Now you see me, now you don't, now you see me, now you don't...
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The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time.
The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach.
Suddenly she piped up, "Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?"
I'm staying at her mothers house, and she said, it's only 8:30 pm and everyone's already ready for bed.
My niece chimes in and says, "not me.", to which i respond, "You don't count."
Without missing a beat, she said, "Yes i do. One, two, three, four."
"Doctor, please, my son ate some cement. What can I do?"
"First of all, don't give him anything to drink."
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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
What did the red light say to the green light?
Don't look I'm changing!
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A doctor?"
"And why's that?"
"Because it's the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill."
While having their evening dinner together, a little girl looked up at her father and asked, "Daddy, you're the boss in our family, right?"
The father was very pleased to hear it and confidently replied, "Yes my little princess."
The girl then continued, "That's because mommy put you in charge, right?"