Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum. Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it. They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do? He thinks for a minute and says, " Well it's used to being in it's mother's pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in "there" it will calm down." She exclaims, " I'm not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!" The husband replies," Well, why don't you just hold it's little nose!"
What do you get from a cowmedian? Cream of Wit.
What did the mooron say when he saw the milk cartons in the grass? "Hey! Look at the cow's nest!"
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Why does a squirrle swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry
A snail and a slug got in a crash. When the police, ambulances and news reporters arrived, a reporter asked a tortoise what happened. He replied: "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What is a moo hoo for steak that came late? Filet delay.
How do you tell if a black girls pregnant? Shove a banana up her vagina and if you pull it out half eaten then you got a monkey on the way.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"