Dog Property Laws 1. If I like it, it's mine. 2. If its in my mouth, it's mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it's mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine. 5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine. 6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway. 7. If it just looks like mine, its mine. 8. If I saw it first, its mine. 9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine. 10. If its broken, its yours.
Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. "Doctor," he said sadly, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to cut off my dog's tail." The vet stepped back, "Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?" "Because my mother-in-law's arriving tomorrow, and I don't want anything to make her think she's welcome."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she gets to 69 she has a frog in her throat.
How do you make a rabbit fast? Don't feed it.
"May I buy half a rabbit?" "No, we don't split hares."
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An elephant who never forgets to eat his carrots.
Q: Why do gorillas have big noses? A: Because they have big fingers!
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with strawberry soda? A berry bubbly bunny.
What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house? The Lizard of Oz.
What do you get when a cow goes to the Beach with tanning oil? Pre-tanned leather.
A cowboy rode up to the saloon, dismounted from his horse, and dusted himself off. He then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the tail and kissed it right on the rectum. As the cowboy walked into the saloon, the shocked barkeeper asked, "Did you just kiss your horse's butt?" The cowboy said, "Sure, I've got chapped lips." The stunned barkeep asked if this was an old Indian cure. The cowboy said, "Nope. But, sure as s**t, it keeps me from licking my lips!"