A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It`s for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn`t even know that I`m going to shoot him!"
Golfer: "Well caddy, do you like my game?" Caddy: "Very good, sir! But personally I prefer golf."
Chuck Norris can won the winter Olympics... In the summer.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can stab you with a basketball- Brandon De La Riva.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse? It got angry and bit at the champ!
I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf. Caddy: O! So, he too has played with you?
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Colorado Avalanche fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Avalanche fans too. Not really knowing what an Avalanche fan is, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, their hands fly into the air. There is, however, one exception. A little girl has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I'm not an Avalanche fan," she retorts. "Then," asks her teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Detroit Red Wings Fan," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks the little girl why she is a Wings fan. "Well, my Dad and Mom are Wings fans, so I'm a Wings fan too," she responds. The teacher is now angry. "That’s no reason," she says loudly. "What if your Mom was a moron and your Dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" "Oh," says the little girl. "Well, then I'd be an Avalanche fan."
To give you an idea of the kind of season we've had, the person who handled our side of the scoreboard was sick for three weeks and nobody noticed.