Q. What do gay kids get for Christmas? A. Erection Sets.
She was hungry for love and didn’t know where her next male was coming from.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom... I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant.
I had a visitor one night… he explored my body… licked, sucked, swallowed & had his fill… when satisfied he left… I was hurt… Damn mosquito!!!
- "Didn't you read Lord of the Rings in high school"? - "No, I had sex in high school."
As she lay there dozing next to me a voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax, you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients." But another voice kept saying, "Howard, you are a veterinarian."
What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning? Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.
My girlfriend always laughs during sex – no matter what she’s reading.
A young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby was his and asked what he was going to do about it? He said he'd offer to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. The butcher had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
Guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "I think my privates are too small." he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, Lager," he replies, quite bemused. "Ah. There's your problem. It shrinks things, those Lagers. You should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doc. "No", replies the man "but I've got the wife on Lager!"