There is a guy.
His favorite bar is called 'Sally's Legs'.
The bar is closed, so he waits outside for it to open.
He was waiting a long time and a cop got suspicious, came over to him, and asked, "What are you doing?"
The guy replies, "I'm waiting for 'Sally's Legs' to open so I can get a drink."
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A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
Yo mama's so fat, when she farted pluto's ice caps melted.
Contrary to what people say, you can indeed drink to relax.
Of course sometimes, you get so calm, you cant move.
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full.
There's clearly room for more wine.
A guy walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a Grape Nehi.
Surprised, the bartender looks around and says, "you ain't from around here...where you from, boy?"
The guy says, "I'm from Pennsylvania."
The bartender asks, "Whatchu do up in Pennsylvania?"
The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender asks, "A taxidermist...what the hell is a taxidermist?"
The guy says, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar, "It's OK boys, he's one of us."
A gent is sitting alone at the bar in Caesers Palace.
A Jewish hooker comes over to him and asks him if he would like some company.
"How much, honey?"
"$800."
"800???"
"Are you crazy? Every other woman that came over wanted $400!"
The Jewish hooker thought about it for a second and then replied, "Ok, I’ll do it for $400, but I want you to know I’m not making anything on it!"
A stewardess approaches a passenger on a flight.
‘Would you care for an orange juice, sir?’
The passenger replies, ‘Sure, if it needed me.’
Q: Why did God create alcohol?
A: So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemies but remember their name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk!