Joke #3182

What kind of money do marsupials use? Pocket change!
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: money

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Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
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has 68.01 % from 59 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, disgusting, drunk, money
Money is not everything. There’s also MasterCard and Visa.
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has 45.58 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
Patient: "Doctor, I want to thank you for your great medicine." The doctor was very much pleased. He asked: "Did it really help you?" Patient: "It helped me wonderfully." Doctor: "How many bottled did you find it necessary to take?" Patient: "I did not take any of it. My uncle took one bottle and I am his sole heir."
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has 63.82 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, money
The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?" The student replies "Not enough for fucking lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got damn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."
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has 43.39 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: math, money, student, teacher, vulgar
A husband gives his wife a complete mink outfit for her birthday – a 12-bore shotgun and some traps.
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has 27.32 % from 5 votes. More jokes about: money
Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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has 58.56 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: money
One night, Murphy was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Murphy and the thief began to wrestle. They rolled about on the ground and Murphy put up a tremendous fight. However, the thief managed to get the better of him and pinned him to the ground. The thief then went through Murphy’s pockets and searched him. All the thief could find on Murphy was 25 cents. The thief was so surprised at this that he asked Murphy why he had bothered to fight so hard for 25 cents. "Was that all you wanted?" Murphy replied, "I thought you were after the five hundred dollars I’ve got in me shoe!"
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has 77.53 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: money, travel
What’s the difference between a pigeon and a tramp? The pigeon can put a deposit on a Porsche.
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money
Yo mama so poor when i went to her house and picked up a paper plate she yelled "Not my good china!"
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has 56.02 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: food, insulting, money, Yo mama
Q: What kind of money do elves use? A: Jingle bills!
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has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: elf, money