Why are men like bank accounts?
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest!
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Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
How do you tell when time is reversing?
When a Jew drops a coin on the ground.
A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant.
A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster.
After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster.
The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples.
The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster.
The sheik explains, "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock."
A blonde was trying to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had almost 230,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.
The brunette told her, “There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it’s not legal.”
“That doesn’t matter,” replied the blonde, “if I can only sell the car.”
“Okay,” said the brunette. “Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will ‘fix it’. Then you shouldn’t have a problem anymore trying to sell your car.”
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, “Did you sell your car?”
“No,” replied the blonde, “Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!”
A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
A blonde and her boyfriend are going through they're daily routine in the bathroom when there's a knock at the door.
The boyfriend who is in the shower tells the blonde to go answer the door.
The blonde puts on a towel and goes to the door.
A man is standing there, and says "Hey hun, do me a favor."
"What?" askes the blonde.
"Drop the towel and I'll give you $500!." replied the man.
The blonde drops her towel and jiggles her tits for the man at the door.
"Thanks, a ton hun, i'll catch you later" says the man and he hands her the $500.
The blonde walks back smilling to her boyfriend who had just got out of the shower.
As he steps out, he says "Hey hun?
I just thought I'd let you know John will be stopping by to pay me back that $500 he owes me!"
At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars. One of the chamber members stood up and said, "I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army."
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"
"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
Harry staggers exhausted into his house.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ asks his wife.
‘I thought I’d save my 75p bus fare by running behind the bus,’ gasps Harry.
‘You idiot,’ says his wife.
‘If you’d run home behind a taxi you could’ve saved a tenner.’