What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good." Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
There once was a fellow from Kent Who had such a long instrument. To stay out of trouble He folded it double. And instead of coming he went.
Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask directions!
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common? A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Why do men like masturbation? It's sex with someone they love.
A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds. He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns. After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again. The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"