Joke #3221

What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men

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Charlie was responsible for taking up the offerings at a local church. One Sunday, after the service, the priest counted the money and found there was less than anticipated, given the size of the congregation. He took Charlie aside and questioned him. Charlie said that he did not take any of the offerings. The priest questioned him again and again and Charlie continued to insist that he did not take any of the offerings. So, the priest told Charlie to get into the confessional, which he did. The priest then asked him again, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" This time, Charlie replied, "I can’t hear you." The priest asked Charlie the same question several times and Charlie would always reply, "I can’t hear you." Finally, the priest yelled, "Charlie, did you take any of the offering?" Again, the reply was, "I can’t hear you." The priest was now beginning to get angry, so he came out of the confessional and said to Charlie, "Trade places with me and you can ask me a question." So, they traded places and Charlie asked, "Is it true that you and my wife are having an affair?" To which the priest replied, "By golly, you’re right, you can’t hear in here!"
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has 83.19 % from 131 votes. More jokes about: church, men, money, priest, wife
4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left. One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says. "Stop all this nonsense. Lets just flip the stool over."
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has 69.60 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: bar, gay, men
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
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has 70.45 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: men
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow.
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has 54.89 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: husband, men, women
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how that it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response, I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up.
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has 57.64 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, women
Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?" Woman: "Unfertilized."
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has 66.68 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: food, men, sex, women
A man goes into a florist and says, "I want to buy some flowers for my girlfriend". "Certainly sir", she responds, "and what in particular are you after"? After some thought, the man answers, "a shag".
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has 79.48 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty, love, men, relationship, sex
How does a man save a woman from being attacked on the street at night? He controls himself.
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has 56.86 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: men
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die." So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?" The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting." So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont." The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
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has 70.11 % from 87 votes. More jokes about: death, men, pirate, war