Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the s**t out of you.
MEN Vs WOMEN 1. MEN discovered COLOURS and invented PAINT. WOMEN discovered paint and invented makeup. 2. Men discovered word and invented conversation. Women discovered conversation and invented gossip. 3. Men discovered gambling and invented cards. Women discovered cards and invented Witchery. 4. Men discovered trading and invented money. Women discovered money and invented shopping. There after Men have discovered and invented lots of things while Women STUCK TO SHOPPING.
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females." Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."
What do you call a take-out low-calorie meal for a cowboy? A Saddle Light Dish.
Three men go on a skiing trip, but when they get to the HOTEL they find out that the hotel have mucked up their rooms and they have to share one big bed. When they wake up the guy on the left says I had a well strange dream last night that I was getting a hand job, and then the guy on the right goes thats strange O had the same dream I was getting a hand job. Then the guy in the middle goes well thats strange because I had a dream I was skiing!
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? To keep the swelling down.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t.So the chief asks his tribe men : "Does this look like sh*t to you?" "Yes is does", they replied. "Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief. "Mmmmm..Yes" "Lick it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief. "Ammmm...Yes" "Good. Don't step on it!"
He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.