Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of? Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way. God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye." To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.
Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?
How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade? Two ways to cross a river.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
Question: How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? Answer: When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”