Joke #3293

What do you do if your best friend runs off with your husband? Miss her. Pity her.
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has 33.28 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: marriage

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Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he irritatingly answered, going out the door to the office. At 11 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a bouquet of red roses. At 2 PM, a two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolates, and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful ‘Independence day' in all my life!"
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has 52.05 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: food, husband, life, marriage, time
My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
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has 84.50 % from 188 votes. More jokes about: black humor, kids, marriage
A ship goes out to sea and crashes. 6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived. So they come to this agreement. All of the men will marry the one woman for a week. So the first man has her for one week, the second man has her for the second week, and so on. Everyone will now be getting sex and they all agree to it. This goes on for five years and everyone is happy. Each man gets sex every fifth week and the woman gets to have sex whenever she wants with a different man every week. Well, a few weeks into the fifth year, the woman dies. The first week is pretty bad, the second week is still pretty bad, the third week is getting worse, the fourth week things are just bad, real bad, and the fifth week is just awful. It’s getting so very bad that on the sixth week they buried her.
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has 77.49 % from 806 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, desert island, marriage, sex
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can’t. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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has 52.81 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: doctor, health, marriage, wife
A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series: "Look, how much he loves her…" "Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
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has 79.33 % from 398 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, mexican, money, wife
The boss snubs his employee because he took a flashlight with him to a date: "What kind of crap happens nowadays? When I was in your age, I wasn’t carrying any flashlight with me on a date. I was always meeting my girlfriends in the dark." "And what did that got you... Take a look at what you’ve married in to!"
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has 50.22 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: age, dating, marriage
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, "Mother of Six", in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. He decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouted at the top of his voice,"Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouted back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"
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has 46.18 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: kids, marriage, wife
Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you! Girl: yes, but would you stay there….
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has 30.41 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: marriage, relationship
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, marriage
My husband and I married for better or worse. He couldn’t do better and I couldn’t do worse.
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has 28.45 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage