What do dogs and women have in common?
They both like 12-inch bones.
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Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
"Is it rape if it's your wife?"
"I don't think so."
"What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
This lady is on an airplane and is seated next to a man named Ian McKegney.
About half an hour after they take off, Ian sneezed.
He calmly opened his fly, took out his penis and wiped it with a handkerchief.
The lady was shocked but a little too shy to say anything.
About 15 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and then once more opened his fly, grabbed his penis and wiped it off.
The lady could not beleive it, and being to shy to mention it, she thought to herself, "If he does that again, I'm definitely going to mention it."
Well, guess what? About 10 minutes later, Ian sneezed again and proceeded as before.
She turned to Ian and said, "That is disgusting! Must you do that in front of me?"
Ian apologized and explained that it was a medical condition, "Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm," he explained.
"Really, what do you take for that?" she asked.
Ian replied, "Pepper."
A doctor from the inner city was conversing with an old friend from med school at a cafe when he said, "Man, can I tell you something?"
His friend nods. "Sure."
"Okay, so the other day I had this one really hot, foreign patient, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since..."
He goes on to tell his friend everything about her, from her long blond hair and ability to speak fluent French, to her shimmering blue eyes and soft skin.
His friend seemed more disgusted with each passing moment.
"Dude, that is not cool."
The doctor, indignant, defended himself.
"What's wrong with that? Lots of doctors are attracted to their patients."
His friend simply shook his head and replied, "Maybe, but I guarantee you none of those doctors were pediatricians..."
Vote:
Yo mama's like a library, she's open to the public.
Sex is like math:
Add the bed
Subtract the clothes
Divide the legs and pray you dont multiply
I think Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it "Bang".
I mean, think about it.. "I BANGED Emma Watson last night."