He: Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way. She: Well, you succeeded.
Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
If women knew what men were really thinking, they'd never stop slapping them.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional? In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
What do you call a woman that works like a man?? Lazy.
Q. How do men define a long-term relationship? A. A second date.
What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man? His wife is good at picking out clothes.