Joke #3437

Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex? A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
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has 59.23 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: dirty

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The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?" "Blind man!" The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt." They let him in. The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
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has 85.78 % from 1840 votes. More jokes about: dirty
The fingers of my girlfriend were in my pants; I asked her "Is it thick?" She said "yes dear." Again I asked: "Is it warm?" She replied: "yes honey." Then I asked: "Is it soft?" She said, "yes of course." "It is my shit!" I told her.
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has 53.73 % from 170 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, relationship, sex
A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.” “Is that you, Fred?” “Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.” “What’s it like?” “Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.” “Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.” “Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
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has 79.49 % from 417 votes. More jokes about: death, dirty, heaven, husband, sex
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
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has 59.50 % from 85 votes. More jokes about: dirty, sex
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"
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has 85.80 % from 3549 votes. More jokes about: dirty
At a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, “Who here has ever seen a ghost?” Most of the hands go up. “And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?” About half the hands stay up. “Okay, now how many of you have had *physical* contact with a ghost?” Three hands stay up; there’s a slight murmur in the crowd. “Gosh, that’s pretty good. Okay, have any of you ever, uh…, been *intimate* with a ghost?” One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. “Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you’ve actually had *sexual* contact with a ghost?” The fellow suddenly blushes and says, “Oh, I’m sorry,… I thought you said goat!”
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has 74.64 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, sex
What is difference between woman and condom? None :-) Both of them spend more time in your wallet...than on your d*ck !
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has 49.27 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."
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has 72.89 % from 105 votes. More jokes about: blonde, dirty, time
Two doctors are having s*x, he says to her, "You must be a surgeon, you washed your hands before and after." She replies, "Well you must be an anesthetist, because I didn't feel a f*cking thing!"
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has 78.40 % from 207 votes. More jokes about: dirty
What's the only thing white girls swallow? Starbucks.
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has 45.78 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty, food