How do you know if your man is dead?
The sex is the same, but there's less ironing.
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Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl.
I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose.
No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Why don't men often show their true feelings?
Because they don't have any.
Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Q: What do you call a man who run a cross the road and roll in the dirt then run back across?
A: A double dirty crosser.
An advertisement:
I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones.
Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary.
“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.
“Not really,” says Mary.
“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.
“No,” she responds.
“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?”
“John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary.
John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”