One day little Bill was playing in the sand out of the sun underneath his front steps. Soon his mother walked up the steps without underwear due to the heat of the day and little Bill looked up and yelled out, ''Mother, what's that black thing that you're carrying under your dress?'' ''Don't worry, Bill, it's just a squirrel,'' she said. So little Bill kept on playing, and soon his grandmother came along, also without underwear, and little Bill looked up and said, ''Grammie what is that hairy animal under your dress?'' ''Ah, it's a squirrel,'' she answered. So little Bill asked his grandmother, ''Why is it that your squirrel is grey intead of black?'' The grandmother replied, ''If your mother's squirrel had popped the nuts that this one has popped, it would be gray too.''
"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut up and comb your face."
Why are cows made for dancing? They re all born hoofers.
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?
What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.
What do you get if you cross a cow with a spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster? A cockerpoodlemoo.
I hear you take milk baths. That's right. Why? I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again? A dirty double-crosser!
What do spiders like to order at a fast food restaurant? Burgers and flies.
How do snails get their shells all shiny? They use snail polish.
A guy went to a whore house and asked the lady if she had a woman that could handle 16 inches. "Hmm," said the madam. "I'm not sure. Try the first door on the right." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and immediately heard screams. "It's too big! Take it out!" So he went to the madam. "No, really. I need someone who can handle 16 inches." "Hmm," said the madam. "Try the last door." So the guy went inside, stuck it in, and had the time of his life, surprised that there was no scream at all. In fact, he heard no sounds at all. Puzzled, he finished up and pulled out. "Talk to me, baby." "Moo."