A man and his wife enter a dentist's office.
The wife says "I need a tooth pulled.
No gas or Novocain -- I'm in a terrible hurry.
Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"You're a brave woman," says the dentist.
"Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turns to her husband and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
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Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush!
Q:What's the worst thing your wife can say during sex?
A:Honey I'm home.
A married couple went out to a nice restaurant to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
While driving home the wife saw a tear coming from her husband’s eye.
“Are you happy that we have spent 50 splendid years together?” she said.
He said, “No.
I was just thinking about our wedding and how your father threatened me with a shotgun that is I didn’t marry you right then he would have me thrown in prison for 50 years.
Tomorrow I could have been free!”
A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Warming up your dinner."
Husband: Knocks the door at midnight.
Wife: Go back where you coming from!
Husband: Open the door or I throw myself in the swimming pool!
Wife: Go ahead and kill yourself, do you think I care? So the husband stands near the dark part of the gate and waits for 2 minutes, takes a big stone and throws it into the swimming pool.
!!!!..Scheweew..!!!!
Wife hears and opens the door and runs towards the swimming pool. The husband quickly sneaks into the house then locks the door.
Wife: Open the door or I will shout!!
Husband: Shout till all the neighbours wakes up and comes here. Tell them where you are coming from by this time of the night with only a panty and a bra!
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But, I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she paused for a moment and then confessed. “Yes. Yes he did.”
The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says, “You.”
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One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married."
As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?"
Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge."
Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a slut, and they all cried.
"Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!"
"Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married."
And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals."
Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge."
Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been screwed by every man in town!"
"Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."
Every night while Dave is having dinner his wife Natalie goes to the bedroom turns off the light and makes out with Daves friend Andy by the window.
After some days Dave had doubt and leaving supper he went to the dark room only to hear whispers from the other side of the window.
He pushes Natalie away goes near the window,unties his pant and put his arse facing the window.
After a minute Andy puts a kiss on his butt cheek and says "Natalie, haven't u brushed ur teeth today?"
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