One day Stan comes home from a hard day at work. He sees his wife bending down to clean the floor under the sofa. So Stan goes over to his wife and starts fucking her from behind. After he finishes, he gives her a hard smack to the head. His wife yells, ''What was that for!?'' To which Stan replies, ''That's for not checking to see who it was.''
What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear Jordan.
Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson? He thought he would give him a paunch!
"Waiter, this vinegar is rather lumpy." Waiter: "That's because they're pickled onions, sir."
Two women are talking. ‘You know,’ says one. ‘Eighty per cent of men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.’ ‘Well,’ says the other. ‘That will certainly revolutionise the game of hockey!’
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
Chuck Norris once won the Iditarod by pulling his team of dogs on the sled.
One day, the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance; I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here". "Yes", snickered the devil, "but I have all the umpires."
It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."
Did you ever wonder how the moon got craters? 3 words: Chuck Norris Golf.
Do you know why the Cincinnati Bengals were the last NFL team to get a website? Because they couldnt put three W's in a row.