When is the best time to fake an orgasm?
When a rottweiler is humping your leg.
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A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up.
The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"
The man in the car says "I found them.
I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."
The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."
"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.
The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station.
The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.
"Hey, they're still here!
I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time.
Today I am taking them to the beach."
Did you hear about the race horse that was so late coming in?
They had to pay the jockey overtime!
What do you get if you cross a hippo, elephant and a rhino?
A Helephino!!
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.
The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.
Three weeks later, a donkey walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.
The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes.
He took the precious book out of the donkey's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"
"Not really," said the donkey.
"Your name is written inside the cover."
On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
A caterpillar!
Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "Because we need the eggs."
A gorilla was walking through the jungle when he came across a deer eating grass in a clearing.
The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?" and the deer replied,
"Oh, you are, Master."
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Soon he came across a zebra drinking at a water hole.
The gorilla roared, "Who is the king of the jungle?"
The zebra replied, "Oh, you are, Master."
The gorilla walked off pleased.
Then he came across an elephant.
"Who is the king of the jungle?" he roared.
With that, the elephant threw the gorilla across a tree and jumped on him.
The gorilla scraped himself up off the ground and said, "Okay, okay, there’s no need to get mad just because you don’t know the answer."
Q: What do you call a black and white thing rolling down a hill
A: A maori and a segull fighting over a fishhead.
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