Joke #3590

An elderly couple are in church. The wife leans over and whispers to her husband, "I just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?" The husband replies, "First off, replace the batteries in your hearing aid!"
Vote: has 80.13 % from 92 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. "You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss. "That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
Vote: has 68.45 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A pastor was caught stealing in the church by a member of the church. This was the conversation between them Pastor: Blessed are those who see and don't talk. Member: For they shall receive their share. Amen.
Vote: has 85.98 % from 29 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, church
An engineer crosses a road when a frog calls out to him, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bends over, picks up the frog and puts it in his pocket. The frog speaks up again and says, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer takes the frog out of his pocket, smiles at it and returns it to the pocket. The frog then cries out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll do whatever you say!" Again the engineer takes the frog out, smiles at it and puts it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asks, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, I'll stay with you for a month and do whatever you say. What more do you want?" The engineer says, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
Vote: has 80.73 % from 138 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, animal, beauty, work
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Vote: has 85.29 % from 548 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, travel, life
A wife told his husband to whisper her dirty things, the man then replied, "The kitchen, the living room, the conservatory and the dining room."
Vote: has 76.06 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Q: What does the baker have under his apron? A: Dough nuts.
Vote: has 69.05 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
A spaceman landed on the moon. To his surprise he saw ahead of him a little shop, with the name above it: "MORRIE COHEN, BESPOKE TAILORS." Curious, he went into the shop. A surprised looking man appeared behind the counter. "Who are you?" he asked. "I’m a spaceman," replied the spaceman. The man closed his eyes, and slapped his own cheek with one hand. "Cutters, I asked for. And they send me spacemen!"
Vote: has 72.24 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life
Man: When I bend my arm like this it hurts? Doctor: Well, stop doing it!
Vote: has 54.16 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor
Doctor: "What seems to be your trouble?" Patient: "When I get up I feel dizzy for one hour." Doctor: "Try getting up one hour later."
Vote: has 62.61 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, doctor, health
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back. "Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast. The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!! "You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?". "No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
Vote: has 66.76 % from 88 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: life, ginger, women, money