Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
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Mr. and Mrs. Apostrophe are divorcing.
He found her to be possessive and she hated his contractions.
The marriage felt like a sentence.
Vote:
Q: What did the fool do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: He Married Her
Vote:
Since I got married I haven’t looked at another woman.
My wife put me off them.
Men and women can be friends without any sex involved.
It's called marriage.
A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, "We have a wonderful system at the fire station: Bell 1 rings, we put on our jackets; Bell 2 rings, we slide down the pole; Bell 3 rings, we're on the trucks. From now on, we're going to run this house the same way. When I say Bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say Bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say Bell 3, we're going to make passionate love."
The next night, the fireman comes home from work and yells, "Bell 1!" His wife takes off her clothes.
"Bell 2," and his wife jumps into bed.
"Bell 3," and they began to make love.
After two minutes, his wife yells, "Bell 4!"
"What's Bell 4?" the husband asks.
"More hose," she replies, "you're nowhere near the fire!"
While inspecting their honeymoon suite, the bride discovers a little box attached to the bed.
"What's this for?" she asks her husband.
"If you put a quarter in," he says, reaching into his pocket, "the bed starts vibrating."
"Save your money," she says. "When you're a quarter in, I start vibrating."
Marriage is a workshop, where man works and woman shops.
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?"
"I have to do that, or Daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work."
"Why not?"
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."