Joke #3637

So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says ''Your eyes sparkle like diamonds''. I said, ''Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck'
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: animal

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A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar. He turned to the astonished patrons and said, "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute." He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink. The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up at the end of the bar and a woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with a beer bottle."
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has 74.15 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal
What are four hundred rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare line.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but the farmer can’t be found. He drives the farmer’s Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, “I think I can stand over the hole!” So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, “Grab for my dick and pull yourself up.” And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don’t need a Mercedes!
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has 74.14 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: animal
What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms.
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has 57.73 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: animal, weather
Would a Police-Dog arrest itself for fouling the street? Police Dog Joke Submitted by Kabogga.
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has 37.61 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog
What happened when the lion ate the comedian? He felt funny.
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris
How should you treat a baby goat? Like a kid.
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has 51.61 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby, kids
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 49.36 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog
One day the zookeeper noticed that the Orangutan was reading two books - the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the Orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
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has 57.55 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: animal, bible