They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming.
Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.
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I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?"
"Yes, I was. So what?"
"Were you sitting on the table?"
"Yeah, why?"
The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!"
"But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders.
"Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
What happened to the cannibal lion?
He had to swallow his pride!
What's a rabbits favorite musical?
Hare.
Q: What is it called when a soldier slips into a fox hole?
A: Bestiality
I can teach my cat any trick he wants to do!
Why does a chicken lay eggs?
Because if she dropped them, they’d break.
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls.
They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"
The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".
Q: What do you call a cow playing with its self?
A: Beef stroganoff.
One day, two skunks named In and Out, asked their mother if they could go into a store and play.
Their mother said yes, but only for an hour.
An hour later, only Out came back.
Their mother said, "Out, you'd better go back in and find In."
About 10 seconds later, Out comes back with In.
Their mother asked how Out found In so quickly.
"Easy."
Out said.
"In-stincts."