Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Chuck Norris doesn't run out of patience, patience runs out of him from fear of a roundhouse kick to the face.
The climate requires Chuck's permission to change.
When Norris hits the road, he destroys it.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't contribute to global warming, he exhales pure oxygen.
The two thousand member Catholic church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The priest was ready to start the Mass when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church. One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons. The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!" Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the alter boy. After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The priest was holding steady in the pulpit. The men put their weapons away and said, gently, "All right, Father, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the Mass."
Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
Chuck Norris inflated a flat school bus tire, with his lungs.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he saw a fat chick, he roundhouse kicked her so hard she transformed. She is now known as Britney Spears.
Chuck Norris speaks english, french, spanish, italian and portuguese. At the same time in every sentence.