I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access. It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except porn sites.
A big party is being held to honor relational database systems and their impact on modern society. Outside the venue, the host awaits the guests. The first limousine arrives and out steps Oracle followed by 4 people. Host: Who have you brought along? Oracle: I have 4 DBA's in tow. One to install me, one to design the databases, one to administer me, and the other to justify the cost. A second limo arrives and out steps DB2 followed by 40 people. Host: Who have you bought along? DB2: I have 2 DBA's, 2 hardware specialists, and 36 consultants. A third limo arrives and out steps SQL Server all on his own. Host: Why haven't you brought anyone? SQL Server: I didn't bring anyone because I am easy to install and am basically self managing. But I did bring the #sqlhelp Twitter hashtag for when the excrement hits the fan. 20 minutes later, up rushes MySQL, unshaved, hair a mess. Host: Where have you been MySQL? MySQL: Sorry, I thought it was February 31st.
What do you get if you cross a computer and a policeman? PC Plod.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0.
Q: What did the dentist say to the computer? A: This won't hurt a byte
What's an extroverted IT professional? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you, instead of his own.
A client calls to hotline of internet service provider: I have a problem, internet stopped working two days ago, neither I nor my son nor anyone else can access it now.. I see, do you know what's the operating system on your PC? Of course I do - it's Facebook...
Did you know you can download the whole Tyson-Holyfield fight off the internet? It doesn’t take much memory – just two Bytes.
Q: What's the Internet's favorite animal? A: The lynx.
Girls are like Internet Domain names, the ones I like are already taken.
Two geeks are talking over lunch. The first guy says, "You wouldn't believe what happened this morning. A girl rode up to me on her bike, took off all her clothes, and said 'Take whatever you want!' … So I took the bike" The second guy says, "Good choice, her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."