Joke #3772

How many lawyers does it take to stop a moving bus? Never enough.
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
Vote: has 76.27 % from 34 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, office, work, phone
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance. When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused. The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it. The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat. He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Vote: has 19.47 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, funeral, death, wife
An airliner is having engine trouble. The pilot instructs the cabin crew to prepare for an emergency landing. A few minutes later the pilot asks the flight attendants if everyone is buckled in and ready. ‘All set back here, Captain,’ comes the reply. ‘Except one lawyer. He’s still going around passing out business cards.’
Vote: has 16.16 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
What’s the difference between a shame and a pity? If a busload of lawyers goes over a cliff and there are no survivors – that’s a pity. If there were any empty seats – that’s a shame.
Vote: has 40.95 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
Vote: has 67.64 % from 28 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him “What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?” The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, “A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street.” Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said, “Well , that’s fine, but it’s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven.” The Lawyer said, “Wait Wait! There’s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter.” Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified. Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, “Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?” Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, “Let’s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell.”
Vote: has 74.97 % from 128 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, death, heaven, money
Good News: A busload of lawyers ran off a cliff. The bus was destroyed and there were no survivors. Bad News: There were three empty seats.
Vote: has 58.98 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor, lawyer, car
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit? The bucket.
Vote: has 46.10 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer
Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy. "Tommy," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy. Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer." "Honest?" asked Billy. "No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.
Vote: has 74.18 % from 159 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer, school, dad, business
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Vote: has 45.58 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: lawyer