If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till."
After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
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Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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Chuck Norris doesn't need a GPS.
Chuck Norris decides where he is.
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Chuck Norris can power solar panels.
At Night.
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Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with fourteen times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer.
This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
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Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field... wearing clown shoes.
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Chuck Norris can stick his hand inside a rabbit's mouth and pull out a HAT!
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There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
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Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.
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Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.
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Chuck Norris dosn't have a star on Hollywood Blvd he has a constellation.
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