What’s the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before a crime, we call him an accomplice.
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after a crime, we call him a defence lawyer.
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I've been trying to do that for years!"
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"
"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse.
Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.
"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that Minnie is mentally insane..."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's fucking goofy!"
Question: How can you tell that an attorney is about to lie?
Answer: His lips begin to move.
Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
A lawyer and a basketball player want to make a deal.
Suggest a place where both of them would be happy to meet.
Of course, they should at the court.
Vote:
What do you call ten lawyers buried up to their necks in the sand?
Football practice.