What’s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer? The hooker will stop screwing you when you’re dead.
What do you get when you cross a godfather with a lawyer? An offer you can’t understand.
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? A: You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Why was the cannibal fined by the judge? He was caught poaching.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A: A good start!
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined!" "It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer. "Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?" "No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior. A stunt like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court." Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the defendant. As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars. It really worked!" Confidently the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them." "But I did send them.", replied the man. "What?" shouted the lawyer. "I sure did, that's how we won the case... good thing I remembered to enclose the plaintiff's business card."
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?" "Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant. "Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you doing this shopping?" "Before the store opened", answered the prisoner.
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? A: His lips are moving
What did the judge say when the skunk was on trial? Odour in court.
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.