What’s the best way to stop water coming into your house?
Don’t pay the water bill.
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"Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery?
The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."
Our family was so poor our Christmas dinner was the leftovers from our last Christmas dinner.
Yo Mama So fat...
She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
‘We were kind of poor and my mother hated to spend a nickel on herself, so she bought most of her things in an army surplus store.
She was the only woman in Cleveland wearing khaki lipstick.’
Bob Hope
Yo' Mama is so poor, her face is on the food stamp.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.
Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," she said.
"We only met a half hour ago.
How can you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young man declared.
"For the past 5 years I've been working in the bank where your father has his account."
Using a credit card is a convenient way to spend money you wish you had.
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans?
A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
Vote:
Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra."
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "You wear shorts!"
Vote:
A prominent lawyer calls a plumber to fix a leak in his shower.
After about 25 minutes the plumber hands him a bill for $200.00.
The lawyer, enraged, says:
“I’m a famous trial lawyer, and even I don’t make that kind of money for 25 minutes work!”
“Neither did I when I was a lawyer”, says the plumber.