Joke #3929

What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Vote:
has 63.87 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: sex

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
Vote:
has 73.54 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: men, party, sex
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? The man.
Vote:
has 57.35 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: men, sex
A man in Amsterdam feels the need to confess, so he goes to his priest. "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. During WWII, I hid a refugee in my attic." "Well," answers the priest, "that's not a sin."' "But I made him agree to pay me 20 guilders for every week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh, thank you, Father. That eases my mind. I have one more question." "What is that, my son?" "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
Vote:
has 78.56 % from 363 votes. More jokes about: geography, military, priest, sex, war
An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork... Have you actually ever tasted it?" The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion." Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too... I know you’re supposed to be celibate. But..." The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you’re going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice." There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn’t it?"
Vote:
has 75.33 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: priest, religious, sex, travel
Two firemen are butt fucking in a smoked filled room. The fire chief walks in and says "what are you doing?" Give this man mouth to mouth then one of the firemen says: "I did how do you think all this shit got started..."
Vote:
has 49.30 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: gay, sex, work
I’m a very giving lover – I give Green Shield Stamps.
Vote:
has 24.40 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: sex
A wife catches her husband masturbating under the shower and approaches him. The husband: Oh dear, it was so dirty that I had to rub it so hard... it almost hurts!
Vote:
has 48.92 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: sex
The aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint. "Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive." "Come on now Mr Peters," the doctor said, "your sex drives all in your head." "Thats what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little."
Vote:
has 61.94 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, sex
Mothers have Mother's Day and fathers have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday.
Vote:
has 71.33 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: Fathers day, sex, single
Little Johnny walks into his parent's room one night to find them having sex. "Mom? What are you doing?" he asks his mom. "Making a cake" his mom replies. Later that week, Little Johnny walks asks his mom in the car "Were you and daddy making a cake on the couch" he asks. "Yeah. Why?" his mom asks, confused and worried. "Because I licked the icing off the couch! It was delicious!" he responded.
Vote:
has 47.76 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, disgusting, little Johnny, sex