Joke #3964

Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach? Cats keep covering them with sand.
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has 22.04 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: lawyer

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A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one." "Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise." Poof! She's gone. "Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other." Poof! He's gone. "You're next," the Genie says to the partner. The partner says: "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
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has 78.63 % from 167 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, genie, holiday, lawyer, women
Q: What happens when you give Viagra to lawyers? A: They grow taller!
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has 68.81 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: insulting, lawyer, mean, viagra
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different? The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
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has 81.43 % from 636 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, lawyer
Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits!
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has 53.15 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
How is an earnest lawyer called? An oxymoron.
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has 36.09 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should? Stick his bill up his rear.
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has 32.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most - his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me." All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine to the cemetery, the clergyman said "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin." The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as well tell you that I didn't put the full $30,000 in the coffin either. Smith had a disease that could have been diagnosed sooner if I had this very new machine, but the machine cost $20,000 and I couldn't afford it then. I used $20,000 of the money to buy the machine so that I might be able to save another patient. I know that Smith would have wanted me to do that." The lawyer then said, "I'm ashamed of both of you. When I put my envelope into that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."
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has 56.36 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, lawyer, life, money
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were. "Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated. "Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?" "Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"
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has 74.72 % from 42 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money
Two lawyers are walking down the road when they see a beautiful woman walking towards them. ‘What a babe,’ one says. ‘I’d sure like to screw her!’ ‘Really?’ replies the other. ‘Out of what?’
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has 44.24 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: lawyer